Oils and Butters: When and How to Use Them on Natural Hair

Contrary to popular belief, oils and butters do not moisturize hair. Instead, they: seal in existing moisture from water or a water-based product, create a protective barrier that helps reduce moisture loss, add softness and shine when applied to already moisturized hair and soothe the scalp, when massaged gently.

When Should You Use Oils?

You should use oils in your routine when:

You’ve just applied a water-based moisturizer and want to seal in hydration.

You need to soften dry ends between wash days.

You’re doing a scalp massage to encourage blood circulation.

You’re taking down a protective style and want to reduce breakage.

Light oils are best for sealing in moisture without buildup or scalp massages. Heavier oils can also be used to seal in moisture, especially on the ends.

When Should You Use Butters?

Hair butters are usually thicker and are best used for:

Twisting or braiding styles that need hold and definition.

Sealing in moisture on thicker, coarser hair.

Protecting ends when your hair is exposed to the weather.

Styling hair for a stretched look.

Butters should not be used as a daily moisturizer. They can weigh down the hair or cause buildup if used too frequently without proper cleansing.

Try layering, this is the key to moisture retention. A common method for applying products is the LOC or LCO method:

L: Liquid (usually water or leave-in conditioner)

O: Oil

C: Cream or butter

Or you can reverse it with LCO, if your hair responds better that way. Experiment and observe which method keeps your hair soft for longer.

Don’t Overdo It. Too much oil or butter can be bad. It can;

Block moisture from entering the hair.

Attract dirt and dust, especially in urban Nigerian environments.

Lead to scalp buildup.

Make hair greasy and difficult to style.

Use just enough to coat your strands lightly. A little goes a long way.

How to Remove Buildup

If you’ve used a lot of oils and butters, use a clarifying shampoo occasionally to fully clean your scalp and strands. Follow up with a deep conditioner to restore softness.

Whether you are buying oils and butters, choose unrefined or cold-pressed options if available. Make sure they are stored in cool, dry places. Avoid products with too many artificial ingredients or mineral oil.

Oils and butters can be powerful allies in your natural hair care routine when used correctly. They are not a replacement for water or conditioner but serve to lock in moisture and enhance the health of your strands. With balance and consistency, your hair can remain soft, manageable, and well-nourished.

I hope youve learned a thing or two. I'll see you on the next 😉.

Gentle Wash Day Routines for Natural Hair

Wash day is essential to healthy natural hair care. However, many people dread it because it often feels long and exhausting. Worse still, using the wrong products or techniques can leave the hair dry, tangled, or even damaged. The goal of wash day is not just to clean the hair but to do so without stripping it of its natural oils or moisture.

For afro-textured hair, especially in the Nigerian climate where dust, sweat, and buildup are common, a gentle yet effective cleansing routine is key.

Gentle cleansing matters, because natural hair thrives when clean, but harsh shampoos and improper washing habits can: Strip away natural oils, leave the scalp itchy and dry, cause tangling and breakage and lead to buildup that prevents moisture from penetrating.

A gentle cleansing routine helps maintain the balance between a clean scalp and moisturized strands.

Signs Your Hair Needs Washing

It feels greasy or heavy.

The scalp is itchy or flaky.

Styling products are building up.

Curls are not responding to moisturizers.

There’s an unpleasant smell from sweat or humidity.

Depending on your lifestyle, wash your hair every two weeks to 4 weeks. If you sweat a lot or live in a dusty area, you might need to cleanse more frequently.

Steps for a Gentle Wash Day Routine

1. Pre-Poo Treatment (Optional but Beneficial)

Before shampooing, apply a light oil or conditioner to dry hair. This softens the hair and protects it from drying out during the wash. Let it sit for at least 15 to 30 minutes. Detangling can also be done at this stage to reduce breakage during washing.

2. Use a Mild Cleanser

Use a sulfate-free shampoo or a mild cleanser that lifts dirt and product buildup without stripping the scalp. Focus on the scalp while washing, not the strands. As you rinse, the suds will run down the hair and clean it gently.

3. Rinse Thoroughly With Lukewarm Water

Avoid hot water as it can dry out your hair. Lukewarm water helps to lift dirt while still preserving moisture.

4. Follow With a Conditioner

After cleansing, use a moisturizing conditioner to soften the hair and restore hydration. Let it sit for a few minutes before rinsing. Finger detangle or use a wide-tooth comb to gently remove knots while the conditioner is in your hair.

5. Deep Condition Regularly

Every two to four weeks, replace your regular conditioner with a deep conditioner or hair mask. This helps repair any damage and deeply nourishes your strands. Cover your hair with a plastic cap and let the conditioner sit for 20 to 30 minutes. Rinse thoroughly.

After washing, moisture Is key Once the hair is clean, gently blot excess water with a soft towel or old t-shirt. Apply a leave-in conditioner or water-based moisturizer, followed by oil or butter to seal in the moisture.

Helpful Tips for Wash Day

Section your hair before washing to make the process easier and prevent tangles.You can wash the hair in loose twists.

Avoid piling your hair on your head while shampooing, it causes tangling.

Be patient when detangling. Start from the ends and work your way up.

Always dry your hair gently. Avoid wringing or rubbing it roughly.

Keep your tools clean. Wash your combs and brushes regularly to avoid reintroducing dirt.

Wash day does not have to be overwhelming. With the right approach, it can be a nourishing and satisfying part of your hair care journey. The key is to cleanse gently, condition deeply, and protect the moisture you’ve added. Over time, your hair will become easier to manage and more resilient.

Moisture is Key

One of the biggest challenges for women with afro-textured hair is keeping it moisturized. Due to the tight curl pattern, it’s difficult for the natural oils produced by the scalp to travel down the length of the hair. This makes afro hair more prone to dryness, breakage, and dullness.

In Nigeria, where the climate ranges from hot and humid to dry and dusty depending on the region and season, keeping natural hair hydrated can be even more challenging. However, with the right practices, you can maintain soft, manageable, and healthy hair.

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Why Moisture Matters

Moisture is what keeps natural hair elastic, soft, and less prone to breakage. Without adequate hydration:

Hair becomes brittle and breaks easily

Styling becomes difficult and painful

Growth retention becomes harder

Moisture is not just about water alone. It is also about locking that water in so it stays in the hair strand for as long as possible.

How to Keep Natural Hair Moisturized

1. Start With Water

Water is the best moisturizer for natural hair. If your hair is dry, the first step is to reintroduce water. Spritz your hair daily or every other day using a spray bottle filled with water or a water-based leave-in. Lightly mist the ends, then massage in the moisture. Apply moisturizers on damp hair to seal in hydration. Avoid soaking your hair every day. A light misting is enough to keep the strands supple.

2. Use the LOC or LCO Method

These are popular methods for layering products to retain moisture. LOC stands for Liquid, Oil, Cream. LCO stands for Liquid, Cream, Oil.

Here’s how it works:

Liquid: Start with water or a water-based leave-in conditioner

Oil: Follow with a natural oil like coconut oil, olive oil, or castor oil to trap in the water

Cream: End with a creamy moisturizer to seal everything in

You can experiment with both methods and see which your hair responds to best.

3. Deep Condition Regularly

Deep conditioning helps restore moisture lost during washing and styling. Aim to deep condition every two weeks or at least once a month. Use moisture-rich conditioners. Cover your hair with a shower cap and let the treatment sit for 20 to 30 minutes before rinsing.

4. Avoid Drying Ingredients

Some shampoos and styling products contain ingredients that strip moisture from the hair. Avoid products with:

- Sulfates

- Alcohols (drying types like isopropyl alcohol)

- Mineral oil and petroleum (they coat the hair but don’t hydrate it)

Instead, choose products labeled “moisturizing,” “hydrating,” or “sulfate-free.”

5. Cover Your Hair at Night

Satin or silk scarves and pillowcases prevent moisture loss. Cotton absorbs moisture from your hair and causes friction, leading to dryness and breakage. A satin bonnet helps retain the hydration added during the day.

6. Protective Styling

Styles like twists, braids, and cornrows protect the ends of your hair and reduce daily manipulation. However, the hair still needs moisture even in these styles. Spray a light mix of water and oil on your scalp and hair regularly while in protective styles.

Bonus Tip:

In hot regions like Abuja or the North, moisture can evaporate quickly. Use heavier creams or butters like shea butter to seal in moisture.

In humid regions like Lagos or Port Harcourt, the air has more moisture. Light products may be more comfortable. Avoid product buildup by washing your hair regularly.

During harmattan, which is extremely dry and dusty, moisture retention becomes even more important. Increase your deep conditioning treatments and protective styling during this season.

Moisture is the foundation of healthy natural hair. With consistent hydration and protective habits, afro-textured hair can remain soft, manageable, and full of life, even in Nigeria’s changing climate. Pay attention to how your hair feels and adjust your routine accordingly.

Natural Haircare Routine : Easy Guide

Having a regular hair care routine is essential for maintaining healthy afro-textured hair. Because this hair type is naturally drier and more delicate, it thrives when given consistent attention. Creating a routine does not have to be complicated. With the right habits, even the busiest woman can keep her hair strong, moisturized, and growing.

This guide breaks down a simple and effective natural hair care routine into daily, weekly, and monthly steps that can fit into the average Nigerian woman’s lifestyle.

Daily Hair Care Routine

Your daily routine should focus on moisture and protection. Afro-textured hair loses moisture easily, especially in hot or dry weather.

What to do daily:

1. Moisturize

Use a water-based leave-in spray or lightly spritz your hair with plain water. Then seal in the moisture with a natural oil or light butter like shea butter. Pay attention to the ends of your hair, which are the oldest and most fragile.

2. Protect your hair at night

Before bed, cover your hair with a satin or silk scarf or bonnet. Cotton absorbs moisture and causes friction that can lead to breakage. If you can’t wear a bonnet, sleep on a satin pillowcase.

3. Style gently

If you are wearing your hair out, avoid styles that require too much manipulation. Choose low-maintenance options like buns, puffs, or twists.

Weekly/Bi-Weekly Hair Care Routine

Once or twice a week, dedicate time to deeper care. This helps remove product buildup, restore moisture, and keep the scalp clean.

What to do weekly:

1. Wash your hair

Use a sulfate-free shampoo to gently cleanse your scalp and hair. Focus on your scalp and let the shampoo run down the length of your hair. If your scalp isn’t dirty or sweaty, you can co-wash (use conditioner only) as an alternative.

2. Condition

After washing, apply a moisturizing conditioner and detangle your hair gently using your fingers or a wide-tooth comb. Work in sections to avoid breakage.

3. Deep condition

Deep conditioning restores strength and moisture. Get a good deep conditioner. Cover your hair with a shower cap for at least 20 to 30 minutes before rinsing.

4. Moisturize and style

Once your hair is clean and conditioned, apply the LOC method (Liquid, Oil, Cream) to lock in moisture. Then style your hair in a way that protects your ends and reduces manipulation.

Monthly Hair Care Routine

Monthly routines involve maintenance that supports long-term hair health.

What to do monthly:

1. Clarify your scalp

Over time, products can build up on your scalp and prevent moisture from reaching your hair. Use a clarifying shampoo or a simple apple cider vinegar rinse (mixed with water) to cleanse your scalp thoroughly.

2. Trim your ends

If you notice split ends or excessive tangling at the ends of your hair, trim them. You don’t need to cut a lot—just a light dusting to remove damaged ends. Healthy ends help retain length.

3. Review your routine

Check what’s working and what isn’t. Are your products keeping your hair soft? Is your style too tight? Use this time to make small adjustments.

Extra Tips for Building a Routine That Works

Listen to your hair: If it feels dry or brittle, it may need more moisture. If it feels greasy, you may be using too much product.

Keep it simple: Start with a basic routine and adjust as needed. You don’t need expensive products or complicated steps.

Be consistent: Regular care produces the best results over time.

Afro-textured hair needs love and patience. A daily, weekly, and monthly routine helps your hair stay moisturized, healthy, and growing. With a little planning and consistency, you can keep your natural hair thriving.

The next post in the series will cover moisture. See you then.

Understanding Afro-Textured Hair: First step to caring for your natural hair.

Afro-textured hair is beautiful, versatile, and rich in character. Whether worn in a fro, twists, braids, or under a protective style, this hair type has unique qualities that require specific care and understanding. For anyone embracing natural hair, the first and most important step is learning what makes it different from other hair types and why that matters for healthy hair care.

Afro-textured hair is typically curly, coily, or kinky in shape. These curls can range from loose and springy to tightly coiled or even zig-zagged. The more coils or bends the hair has, the more delicate it tends to be.

Unlike straight or wavy hair, afro-textured strands grow in a spiral pattern. This spiral structure means:

Natural oils from the scalp take longer to travel down the hair shaft.

The hair tends to be drier than other textures.

It may shrink up to 70 percent of its actual length when dry.

It is more prone to tangling and breakage if not handled gently.

Afro-textured hair is commonly categorized by curl pattern:

Type 4A: Defined, S-shaped coils with visible curl pattern

Type 4B: Less defined curls, with a fluffy and cotton-like feel

Type 4C: Very tight, zig-zag coils with little to no visible definition and high shrinkage

These types are not rigid rules. Most people have a mix of curl patterns on their heads. Understanding the general type helps in choosing the right techniques and products.

Afro Hair Needs Special Care. Due to its structure and porosity, afro-textured hair is more fragile. Here are key reasons why it needs specific attention:

Prone to dryness: The twists and turns in each strand prevent natural scalp oils from moisturizing the entire hair length. This means afro hair needs more help from external oils, creams, and water-based products.

Breaks easily: Because it is not straight, the strand is more likely to snap under tension or friction. Gentle handling is a must.

Highly porous: Some afro hair types absorb water quickly but also lose moisture fast. Knowing your hair's porosity helps in choosing effective moisturizers and sealing products.

Vulnerable to heat and chemicals: Blow dryers, flat irons, relaxers, and color treatments can weaken the strand structure. If used, they must be done cautiously.

Here are Common Myths About Afro Hair:

Myth 1: Natural hair doesn’t grow.

Truth: All hair grows, but breakage can make it seem like it's not gaining length. Protective care and low manipulation styles help retain growth.

Myth 2: Afro hair is too hard to manage.

Truth: It only seems that way when the right methods and products are not being used. Once you understand how it works, it becomes easier to manage.

Myth 3: The tighter the style, the better the results.

Truth: Tight hairstyles can cause tension, breakage, and even hair loss. Gentle styling is more sustainable.

It is important to embrace the hair you were born with. For many years, afro hair was misunderstood or seen as unprofessional or unkempt. Today, more women are proudly embracing their natural textures. Understanding its uniqueness is not just about hair care. It’s about taking pride in one’s identity and learning to work with your hair, not against it.

Caring for afro-textured hair begins with knowledge. Once you understand its needs, you can build a routine that keeps it moisturized, strong, and growing.

Now that you understand what makes afro-textured hair special, the next step is building a routine that supports it. The next blog post in this series will cover:

“The Natural Haircare Routine". 

See you on the next post.

How to Lose Weight Slowly but Sustainably

Quick fixes and extreme diets may promise fast weight loss, but they are rarely sustainable. In many cases, the weight returns just as quickly as it left. The most effective and long-lasting way to lose weight is to do it gradually through consistent, healthy habits that can fit into everyday life.

In this blog post, I'd share practical tips for slow and sustainable weight loss, that have worked for me and that I believe will be helpful to other women navigating work, home responsibilities, and family life in Naija.

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1. Understand What Causes Weight Gain

Weight gain happens when the number of calories consumed is greater than the number of calories the body uses. But this balance is affected by many factors, including:

• Eating large portions or frequent high-calorie snacks
• Lack of regular physical activity
• Excess sugar or carbohydrate intake without enough fiber or protein
• Stress and emotional eating
• Poor sleep patterns

Recognizing these triggers helps in making small but lasting changes. 

2. Start With Realistic Goals

Instead of focusing on dropping a certain number of kilograms in a few weeks, it is more helpful to aim for long-term goals, such as:

• Eating healthier meals consistently
• Moving more during the week
• Improving energy levels and sleep

Losing 0.5 to 1 kilogram per week is considered safe and sustainable. For many, this means reducing about 500 calories daily through a combination of eating less and moving more.

3. Focus on Local, Balanced Meals

You do not need foreign diet plans to eat healthy. Nigerian foods can support weight loss when prepared and eaten mindfully.

Tips:

• Reduce oil when cooking soups and stews
• Use smaller amounts of swallow and increase vegetable portions
• Limit deep-fried snacks like puff puff, akara, or chin chin to occasional treats
• Include protein in every meal: eggs, beans, fish, chicken, or tofu
• Eat more fiber: vegetables, okra, ugu, garden egg, carrots, and whole grains like oats or brown rice.

4. Practice Portion Control

Portion sizes matter just as much as food choices. Even healthy meals can lead to weight gain if the portions are too large.

Simple strategies:

• Use smaller plates
• Serve food in the kitchen instead of from the pot on the table
• Avoid second helpings unless genuinely hungry
• Eat slowly and chew thoroughly

Eating mindfully helps the body recognize fullness and prevents overeating.

5. Move Your Body Every Day

You do not need a gym membership to stay active.

Simple daily movement ideas:

• Take brisk walks around your compound or street
• Dance to music while cleaning or cooking
• Do short home workouts (10 to 15 minutes is enough to start)
• Use household items like water bottles as light weights

Consistency is more important than intensity. Just 30 minutes of daily activity can support weight loss and improve health.

6. Watch What You Drink

Many drinks are high in sugar but do not make you feel full.

Better choices:

• Replace soft drinks with water, zobo (unsweetened), or lemon-infused water
• Avoid sweetened coffee creamers
• Limit fruit juice or make your own without added sugar
• Drink water before meals to prevent overeating

Drinking more water throughout the day also supports digestion and reduces cravings.

7. Sleep and Stress Matter

Poor sleep and high stress can slow weight loss and increase cravings.

Tips:

• Aim for at least 6 to 7 hours of sleep nightly
• Avoid screens 30 minutes before bedtime
• Find ways to manage stress, such as prayer, journaling, light stretching, or talking to someone
• Avoid skipping meals, which can trigger binge-eating later.

8. Track Progress Beyond the Scale

Weight loss is not just about numbers. Other signs of progress include:

• Clothes fitting more loosely
• Better energy levels
• Improved digestion and skin
• Stronger self-control with food choices

Keeping a food journal or using a simple mobile app can also help stay accountable.

Conclusion

Sustainable weight loss is not about punishment or strict rules. It is about small changes made consistently. Choosing healthier foods, moving a bit more each day, watching portion sizes, and getting enough rest can lead to results that last a lifetime. The goal is not just to lose weight, but to build a lifestyle that supports long-term healthy living.

A Realistic and Simple Skincare Routine for the Beginner

Starting a skincare routine can feel overwhelming with so many products, steps, and advice online. However, skincare does not have to be expensive or complicated. For most women, especially in Nigeria’s hot and humid climate, a simple, consistent routine using affordable products can lead to healthy, glowing skin.

Here's a beginner-friendly guide that anyone can follow, regardless of budget or skin type.

Step 1: Cleanse

 The purpose of cleansing is to remove dirt, sweat, oil, and makeup from the skin.

Use a gentle cleanser that suits your skin type. For oily or acne-prone skin, foaming or gel-based cleansers are often effective. For dry or sensitive skin, look for cream-based or non-foaming cleansers. Natural homemade bars work great too. That's my personal favorite. Wash your face twice a day, in the morning and before bed. Avoid using harsh bar soaps that strip the skin’s natural moisture.

Step 2: Tone (Optional but Helpful)

Toning helps to balance the skin’s pH and remove any leftover residue after cleansing. Many people skip this step, but a good toner can refresh the skin, reduce oiliness, and prep the face for moisturizer. If using a toner, avoid alcohol-based ones, as they can dry out the skin.

Gentle options:

Rose water

Witch hazel (alcohol-free)

Toners with aloe vera or chamomile

Step 3: Moisturize

This helps to hydrate and protect the skin barrier. Every skin type needs moisture, including oily skin. The key is choosing the right formula. Lightweight, water-based moisturizers are best for oily skin, while thicker creams are better for dry skin. Apply moisturizer after cleansing or toning while the skin is still slightly damp for better absorption.

Step 4: Sun Protection 

It is important to protect the skin from UV rays, which cause dark spots, sunburn, and premature aging. Many women skip sunscreen, especially on cloudy days, but it is a crucial part of skin health. Choose a broad-spectrum sunscreen with at least SPF 30. Look for ones that are non-greasy and suitable for dark skin to avoid a white cast. Apply sunscreen every morning and reapply if you’re outside for long periods.

Weekly Extras (Optional)

Face masks: Can be used once or twice a week to target specific skin concerns. Clay masks are great for oily skin, while hydrating masks help dry or dull skin.

Exfoliation: Use a mild scrub or chemical exfoliant once or twice a week to remove dead skin cells. Avoid daily scrubbing, as this can damage the skin.

Simple Morning Routine; Cleanse, moisturize, apply sunscreen.

Simple Night Routine ; Cleanse, tone (optional), moisturize.

Extra Tips For Nigerian Women

Always remove makeup before bed.

Drink water consistently to help hydrate the skin from within.

Be patient. Results from a good routine take time.

Stick with products for at least 2 to 4 weeks before switching unless irritation occurs.

Avoid bleaching creams or anything that claims to "lighten" the skin. Focus on health, not skin complexion.

A good skincare routine does not need to be complicated or expensive. With just a few affordable products and consistency, any woman can take care of her skin and feel confident in it.

When God Seems Silent: Trusting in Seasons of Waiting

There’s a kind of silence that can shake your faith to its core.

Not the silence of a quiet morning or a sleeping child.

The silence I’m talking about is the kind that settles in after you’ve poured your heart out in prayer, and all you hear back is... nothing.

You fasted.

You prayed.

You believed.

But the doors did not open. The healing did not come. The clarity did not arrive.

And you begin to wonder: Is God still listening?

I have lived through that kind of silence.

It’s not a silence you can explain to others easily. People say things like “Just trust God” or “Everything happens for a reason” and while those phrases may be true, they often don’t comfort. Because what you’re really looking for is evidence that God has not abandoned you.

What the Silence Isn’t

Let me start by telling you what God’s silence is not:

It is not punishment.

It is not rejection.

It is not absence.

In the Bible, there were many moments of divine silence.

Think of Job: a righteous man who lost everything and could not understand why.

Think of Joseph: sold into slavery and falsely imprisoned for years.

Think of Jesus on the cross, crying out “My God, why have you forsaken me?”

Even the Son of God felt that silence.

But here is what the silence teaches us: God’s silence is not the end of His story.

What Happens in the Waiting.

The season of waiting is where your faith grows its roots.

When there is no sign and no sound, you must choose to believe based on who God is, not what you feel. That is the heart of true trust.

In the waiting, God is refining you.

He is teaching you to walk by faith, not by sight.

He is removing your dependence on outcomes and anchoring your heart in His presence.

And sometimes, the silence is His strategy.

God may be:

Protecting you from something you cannot yet see

Preparing you for something greater than what you asked

Positioning others and resources for your breakthrough

Preserving you from premature exposure

What You Can Do in the Silence

1. Worship anyway: Praise Him not for what He’s done, but for who He is.

2. Write it down: Journal your prayers and emotions. Be honest. God can handle your honesty.

3. Stay in community: Isolation magnifies doubt. Stay connected to people of faith.

4. Remember past faithfulness: If He has come through before, He can do it again.

5. Be still: Sometimes we talk so much we don’t give God room to whisper.

I remember one particular season where I cried every night, asking God to save me from what seemed like a dark pit that I'd found myself. I can tell you now that He brought me out. But it wasn't instant. He sent his word in season. One word after another. Eventually, there was clarity. There were answers. There was peace. A small shift in my spirit. A new door opening at just the right time.

God was never absent, even though it seemed that way. He was always there.

A Closing Word.

If you are in a season where heaven feels quiet, please hear this:

You are not forgotten. You are not forsaken. You are not alone.

Even when you cannot trace His hand, you can trust His heart.

Scripture Reflection:

Isaiah 64:4

“For since the beginning of the world no one has heard, no ear perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”

He is acting. He is working. He is faithful.

Wait with trust. You will see His goodness again.

Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mom

Motherhood is the most beautiful, most stretching, and most sanctifying journey I have ever been on.

Before I became a mom, I had a long list of things I thought I understood.
I had read books. I had seen the posts. I had helped with other people’s kids. I practically helped raise my siblings.
But nothing prepared me for what it would mean to carry a life, raise a child, and sacrifice myself daily in love.

There is a sacredness to motherhood that no one can fully prepare you for.
But if I could sit with the version of me that was expecting her first child, these are the truths I would whisper:

1. You Will Never Be Fully Prepared

You can buy all the gadgets.
You can decorate the nursery.
You can make your plans and routines.
But children have a way of rewriting every script.

And that is okay. Because what your child needs most is not your perfection.
They need your presence. Your love. Your availability.

You will make mistakes. You will forget things. You will lose your patience.
That does not make you a bad mother.
It makes you human. And grace is available for every single part of you.

Motherhood teaches you that control is an illusion. And in surrender, you find strength.

2. Your Child is Not a Project

When I first became a mother, I approached parenting like an assignment:
Train up the child. Correct the behavior. Shape the future.

All that is important. But what I’ve learned is this:
My child is not a problem to solve.
They are a person to know.
God did not call me to mold my child into my image. He called me to steward the image of God within them.

Discipline is important, but relationship is foundational.
The connection you build with your child becomes the soil in which correction can take root.

Your child is not your competition. They are not your reflection.
They are a soul with a calling that will unfold uniquely. Sometimes messily, under your care.

3. It’s Okay to Need Help

One of the biggest lies mothers believe is that asking for help is weakness.
It’s not.

Motherhood was never meant to be a solo mission.
Even Mary, the mother of Jesus, had help from Joseph, from Elizabeth, from the community God surrounded her with.

There will be days when the house is a mess.
When you’ve cried in the bathroom.
When you’ve fed the kids cereal for dinner again.
Those days don’t mean you’re failing.
They mean you’re showing up. And sometimes, showing up looks like asking someone to come over. Or ordering food instead of cooking. Or taking a nap instead of folding laundry.

Community is a gift. Use it.

4. You Will Rediscover Yourself

When I became a mother, parts of me felt like they disappeared.
The woman I used to be; confident, creative, full of vision, seemed to dissolve into the daily tasks of diapers and dishes.

But slowly, something beautiful happened.
I found pieces of myself I never knew existed.

I became stronger.
I learned to advocate.
I loved deeper.
I discovered that my voice had more authority, not less, because of motherhood.

You are not lost, mama.
You are being transformed.
You are being rebuilt from the inside out. And what God is doing in you through this season will serve not just your child, but your calling.

A Prayer for Moms in the Thick of It

Lord,
For the mom who feels overwhelmed, give her rest.
For the mom who feels invisible, remind her that You see.
For the mom who feels like she’s not doing enough, whisper grace over her efforts.
And for the mom who feels stretched, strengthen her with joy.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

Motherhood will change you. That is part of its sacred beauty.

It breaks you open so that love can be poured out.
It empties you so that God can fill you.
It humbles you so that your children can rise.

And on the hard days, when the tears fall and the house is loud and your patience runs thin, remember this: You are doing holy work.

Even when it’s messy. Especially when it’s messy.

You are not just raising a child.
You are raising a future. And you’re doing it with God beside you.